Wanting to tear out one's own throat

Of course we've all wanted to tear out someone's throat (or punch them or kick them or stab them in the eye... you get the point). It's a metaphor. But I'm not speaking metaphorically. I really want to tear out my own throat right now. I've been sick for the last 5 days and it has now dwindled to a constant tickle in my throat that makes we want to cough non-stop in an effort to "scratch" the tickle. My upper body is starting to hurt from all the coughing and, of course, each cough makes the tickle worse. It's the same as if you have dry skin and you scratch the itch. It just makes it drier and itchier.

That's it. No words of wisdom or moral to the story. I'm just miserable and want to spread the misery :)

P.S. If you have a home remedy that works, I'm all ears.